Cats Give Zero “F”s So DIY Some Cat Toys

Cats don’t read The New Yorker. They aren’t into cosmic printed leggings and don’t give a single F about Taylor Swift. With that logic, they don’t even care what the F they play with! So head on down to your local junk drawer and make some cat toys! Don’t even think about going there: designer cardboard, wicker cat ball of nothingness and just harmful stuff to chew on for your money.

Seriously, there are just a few simple rules to follow when making cat toys.

1) Whatever it is, it must be sturdy and indestructible. Cats cannot digest jingle bells, poly-fleece or plastic. Stick to as many nature-made materials as possible. And even though they have nine lives, five of them should not be wasted on killer death traps that will collapse or topple over.

2) Know what your cat likes and what he really really likes. If he obsesses over any sort of string or cord, do not leave the toy unattended.

3) Looooook aroouuuuuunnnd youuuuuuu. Quit buying stuff! These are cats, they poop in a box in your basement. Use stuff from around your house. Don’t. Buy. Anything.

Here’s a simple toy I recently made to amuse this boosh – Zed. He’s a Maine Coone who has developed a serious case of the howls. Howls can be a sign of many things and after researching, I’ve determined that Zed is either really bored and craving attention or that he may have dementia. I’m thinking a lil of both, he’s lazy AND crazy. As my old roommate would say “He was up all night singing the song of his people”. This is true, I remember.

Cat Whakamow Game

Materials you will need:

  • Box
  • Scissors and knife
  • Something circular to trace, the size needs to be slightly larger that your cat’s paw.
  • Treats
  • Cat

1) I saved a rectangular box, like the height of a shoe box but double the width. I made sure to round out any edge for safety reasons.


2) Cut off one of the longer sides of the box so that it is completely open.


3) Take your circular object and map out holes along the top of the box, 3-4 inches apart and at least 3 rows.

trace holehole circle

4) Use a serrated steak knife (or whatever you feel comfortable with) to saw out the circles.


5) Make sure all cardboard edges are smooth, smooth out any jagged edges. Leave no loose cardboard pieces.


6) Insert cat (no, not INSIDE the box, just NEAR the box) ya dingus.


Zed and Cat Whakamow

Zed seemed to respond when he knew that a treat or a cherished toy was inside the box. He could see it through the holes and totally dug in. See the live action here.

Even when I walked away, he was so intrigued with the box that he kept playing.

Orange cat found this game to be beneath him. Orange cat is more of a “thinker”.


Peanut gave no Fs.

Best part: Cat Whakamow can be stored under a bed when not in use. AND it cost zero dollars.


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